how to celebrate st. patrick's day

I'm not Irish. I don't claim to be Irish. I don't need to be Irish in order for my husband to kiss me. Nor is being Irish a valid excuse to be kissed by a random stranger. All this being said, I think Irish people are great. I know some Irish people, and they're really lovely. Plus, they have fantastic accents. I think the fact that Ireland has a holiday to celebrate St. Patrick and his life is quite nice. St. Patrick was a cool guy, and though not actually Irish, he worked really hard in a country he loved for the God he loved.

St. Pat was kidnapped from Britain and brought to Ireland as a slave. While there, he converted to Christianity. He escaped back to Britain, but felt called to return to Ireland to convert the Irish to Christianity. It was hard work. And the story about him driving the snakes out of Ireland? False. There were no snakes on the island to begin with. The water is too cold. I'd love to go to Ireland one day, but if I had to swim there, I probably wouldn't do it, so I can see why the snakes passed up on immigrating to Ireland.

St. Patty's day is celebrated in a variety of ways. Google has enlightened me to the following methods of celebration:

Use shamrocks as much as possible. Everywhere. Irish lore says that St. Patrick used the shamrock to symbolize the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Not sure if that's true, but it works well.

Be Kate Middleton and wear super fantastic and fashionably festive clothes, and hold pretty flowers. And smile really big.

Have a hearty Irish feast...

Go to a fun St. Patrick's Day parade in Ireland!

Eat some Irish soda bread, yum.

Be Kate Middleton and pass out shamrocks to the Irish Guard and a huge wolfhound, aka scary monster dog that reminds me of Mr. Rochester.

Go to Chicago to see the river dyed green. I still find this slightly odd.

Have a Guinness!

Panic over your completely devastated March Madness Bracket, and go to bed far too late because it's necessary to stay up and watch a game whose outcome depends entirely on your viewing participation... aldjfo;aigalflkj;lajfg;hijl ARGH! Upsets galore this year! I'm sleepy.

Or, if you're really cool, you can travel to London, Ontario, and take part in a totally pointless, violent and dangerous St. Patrick's Day riot composed mainly of overly inebriated college students who believe that a holiday isn't complete without throwing beer bottles at cops, causing $100,000 of damage to public and private property, and setting vehicles on fire, then standing too close and being surprised when it blows up in your face, and hoping that the doctors in the emergency room will believe you when you say you just had a serious run-in with birthday cake candles, then posting it all on facebook and being surprised when you get arrested. How did they find out it was me!??!

Excuse my sarcasm. These people are ridiculous.

Other than the embarrassing show put on by my dear fellow Canadians, I hope your St. Patrick's Day was full of fun, and that your March Madness bracket is in better shape than mine.